


Please don't give up on me

by Blackbrokensoul



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Choi Beomgyu-Centric, Drabble, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Insecurity, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24912541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackbrokensoul/pseuds/Blackbrokensoul
Summary: Beomgyu may be the mood maker of the group, but not all the time.Where Beomgyu faces insecurities and his members are there for him.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 129





	Please don't give up on me

**Author's Note:**

> My poor attempt on a Beomgyu-centered fic. This is my first TXT fic, please forgive any grammar mistakes and typos!

Beomgyu's home is his family, and his members. Also, his guitar. His music.

He loved playing the guitar. The feeling when his fingers is pressed hardly on the strings, his other hand strums and he hears the peaceful melody on his ears. How he does this even with his eyes closed, everything already a muscle memory. Ever since he became a trainee, the only thing that really felt like his home was his guitar that his father bought for him, and of course, his Ryan plushie.

Nobody said it was easy. As a trainee, and even now, he would still feel homesick. Yes, he found his second family, his members. But he still misses his family. He wonders how Toto is doing now. Are they feeding him well? His siblings, his mom.. dad.. do they miss him? Are they proud of him?

"Gyu! Time to go! We can't be late to dance practice!" Soobin's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. It's the end of their promotions but their schedule is still packed. But he feels it's better this way, being busy keeps his thoughts at the back of his head.

\-----------------------------------

"Beomgyu hyung, you're dancing is.. not in sync. Like, one beat late." Taehyun said to him as he run his fingers to his damp hair - sweat rolling down to his neck. They've been at it for hours. 

Beomgyu let out a frustrated sigh, as he closed his eyes and pinched his temple. "Sorry. I'll do better, Taehyunie." His eyes are stinging and he can't look directly at Taehyun's eyes. He feels embarrassed, his been doing his best but nothing seems to go right. He got the moves right but his timing was off, he's been monitoring himself in the mirror and -- he looks like shit. He's so not in sync with the other members, he knows he's not as good as Yeonjun but.. even Taehyun commented on his dancing. He should have seen it in the first place and do better but he just can't do it and Taehyun has to say it to him. 

His thoughts are swirling right now and he's been staring too long at the floor he didn't even notice Taehyun's hand on his shoulder.

"Hyung.. Beomgyu hyung!" Taehyun said as he gently shakes the older's shoulder. "Did you hear me?"

Beomgyu quickly looked at Taehyun, his eyes still stinging and tears threatening to fall. "ah yes.. that my dancing is a beat late and.." Taehyun looked at him with worry and sighed. "Beomgyu hyung.. it's okay. I said that it's time for a break. Don't worry too much about it, I'll help you practice later after the break, okay?" Taehyun says as he rubbed his hyung's back. "Cmon, let's eat something." He says as he grabbed Beomgyu's hand and ushered him to sit down. He didn't comment on how he glassy his hyung's eyes are and decides to give him space for the moment.

\-----------------------------------------

"I'll stay for awhile in my studio, you guys can go ahead."

The 4 other members looked at each other with worry. They've been practicing non stop for the whole day and Beomgyu's still wants to work.

"You need to rest too, gyu. We still have a full day schedule tomorrow." Soobin says as he eyes the younger, who is fixing something in his bag for like 15 minutes already.

"Yes I know, I won't take long. Don't worry." Beomgyu lies, voice so low the others could barely hear anything. He's still shuffling around his bag, trying his best to look busy and not look at his member's eyes. Although he's good at hiding his emotions, somehow, Soobin can see through him. Maybe it's because they're room mates, knowing each other so well now, or maybe because his leader is just hyper sensitive to all of them. It's one of his traits that he really loves with his leader -- but at the same time one that he hates. Its so hard to pretend he's okay when he's definitely not --- around Soobin. They may bicker alot, but the leader always had a soft spot on him.

"Okay Gyu. I'll leave the lights on for you on the dorm then." Soobin sighs, a gentle but worried smile across his face. He doesn't want to pry too much on Beomgyu, jumping to conclusions and suddenly dragging the younger for a heart to heart conversation might upset him, he thinks.

The other members eyes Beomgyu worriedly, as they leave the practice room together.

Footsteps finally receded, the room now painfully silent. Beomgyu releases a deep sigh, finally removing both his hands from his bag. Sweat started to trail down his neck as he was standing and shuffling his bag for god knows how long. He finally zips up his bag and closed the lights at the practice room and went to his studio.

\-----------------

Whenever he's happy, homesick, nervous, sad, he plays the guitar.  
His guitar is his comfort place. It reminded him of home --- Daegu. His family, Toto, the smell of his mother's cooking.

As he sat down and hugged his guitar, he couldn't control his tears anymore and he let it fall. A sob echoes around his small studio. He was so angry at himself --- sad, confused, tired. He feels all the dark thoughts swirling in his head, how he feels like a failure, unimportant, a burden to his team. He can't get any song done, can't create any good beats or melodies, can't even get his dance right earlier, can't even be the mood maker of their team, heck even Hueningkai is doing a better job as a mood maker than him. He feels like his voice doesn't even sound good compared to the other members, his performances on their promotions felt lacking. He knows his head is making up things but he can't help it.

His fingers strum the guitar, plays his favourite song.. he feels like this is the only thing he's good at, and yet.. he feels empty when he plays. He feels empty all the time. He continued playing the guitar until his hands and back hurt, not knowing it was past midnight already.

\-----------------

"Beomgyu...you need to eat more. How can one banana help you for our morning schedule today?" Yeonjun said as he ate his breakfast, but eyes still half way closed. It literally 6am, and they're already up and preparing for another full packed day.

"Yeonjun hyung's right! Breakfast also is the most important meal of the day, you must eat more Beomgyu hyung!" Hueningkai cheerily added, while munching on his favorite cereal. Sometimes, Beomgyu wonders where Hueningkai gets all his energy. Maybe he should just give up the title mood maker and give it to the maknae. He's not really doing a good job as that too. He never does, in anything. 

He's overthinking again the moment he wakes up. Sometimes he just want all of this to end and just curl up at bed the whole day. He knows its even more dangerous for him to be left alone as his thoughts will be much louder, but he still prefers it, and he doesn't know why.

Another day full of practice and training, plus homeworks. Sometimes he wonders how he's able to juggle work and school. He's eyebags are one explanation for that. He would seriously pick sleep over anything else right now. It's 8pm now and it's time to finally go home, but he chooses to stay over again on his studio. He can't slack off --- he thinks he's not yet in the level of Yeonjun dancing, or in Taehyun, Hueningkai and Soobin's singing. One thing he knows he can contribute more in his team is him producing music. Even if he's still not that experienced in this, if he continues to do it he'll get better. He MUST. He can't drag his team down.

He didn't notice the time again. It's already past midnight - he's eyelids felt so heavy, he's mind's a mess. He was startled when his phone vibrates, an incoming call from.. Yeonjun.

"Shit." Beomgyu curses. He knows Yeonjun's probably worried to death as he's still not back home. He nervously picks up the call, his voice slightly trembling as he answers. 

"Yeonjun hyung?"

"Yah!! Do you know what time it is Beomgyu? Where are you?" Yeonjun's voice was so loud he had to move his ear away from his phone. 

He ponders for a moment on what he should say. "Hyung.. why are you still awake?" He mutters, trying to find a way out of his predicament.

Yeonjun sighs. So he's trying to shift the topic again. Not wanting to scold the younger further and scare him in opening up, he calms himself down.

"Just can't sleep, Gyu. Checked if anyone's still awake to join me in a midnight snack and found out you're still not home." He sighs. 

"What time are you heading back? Want to eat ramyeon with me?" Yeonjun added, trying to bait the younger in going home as he nervously played with his fingers, waiting for the younger to answer.

Beomgyu smiles at that. Yeonjun's not angry at him, and he can go home without a heavy heart. "Sure hyung, ramyeon sounds good. I'm packing up now." Beomgyu says as he saves his filles and shuts down his laptop. 

"Okay Gyu, see you. I"ll prepare the ramyeon now so go home right now! Bye!" Yeonjun says and ends the call.

Beomgyu stared at his phone for a moment. 12:30 am. He can't believe he's been here for hours now. He sighs and puts back his phone in his pocket and packed up his things fast and went straight for the door to go home. It's these little things that his members do that makes him forget all the dark thoughts in his head and he will be forever grateful for that.

\-------------------------

Yeonjun stands up and makes his way to the kitchen and started preparing the ramyeon. He's hoping he can talk to the younger now on what's troubling him. 

He's been keeping an eye on the younger for a while now as he noticed subtle changes in him -- how he laughs loud when there is a camera rolling and after its gone, it's like a flip is switched off in him too. His smile fades and he stares randomly for a long time. At the floor, or the ceiling, or anywhere. When they talk or joke with each other, his laugh and smiles seem empty and cold. He also noticed how the younger would always stare at his reflection on the mirror so intensely during practice. For other it might seem like he's just concentrating and scrutinizing his dance or facial expressions but for Yeonjun, the younger looks like he wants to stab his reflection. He looks like he's staring at an enemy from afar, judging his every move. He also didn't fail to notice how Beomgyu would always stay cooped up in his studio after practice, his prominent eyebags, and his poor appetite. He rarely even talks with the others now unless it's really important. Something's definitely bothering the younger and he don't want this to continue any further.

The door opens and Yeonjun smiles at the sight of Beomgyu finally coming home. His hair is a mess, his eyes tired and his clothes ruffled. Beomgyu puts his bag down and lazily walks towards the kitchen where Yeonjun is, giving his hyung a tired smile. 

"I''m home, hyung." 

Yeonjun can't help but go towards the younger and tackles him on a tight embrace and brushes his hair. "You're finally home, c'mon, I'm hungry." He says with a pat on Beomgyu's back.

He puts down the pot of ramen and slides it towards Beomgyu, and gets his own. He lets the younger eat a few first before talking.

"Gyu." Yeonjun mumbles, mouth still stuffed with noodles. 

Beomgyu tenses immediately. He knows what's coming, he sensed it in Yeonjun's tone even if his hyung's mouth is full of food. He swallows and puts down his chopsticks with a sigh.

"Hyung."

"You 5know you can talk to me right?"

Beomgyu stares down at his noodles for some time. He knows there is no way out of this now. If he does try to escape it will probably end up badly. He doesn't want to worry his hyung any longer too so he took a deep breath and speaks.

"I'm sorry."

"Hm? For what?" Yeonjun continues to eat his ramen, as he looks at the younger, trying to not make the mood any heavier now.

"For being a burden. And not contributing much to the team. And for being so moody, and.. and.." Beomgyu stutters, he feels a lump on his throat, he didn't even notice the few tears rolling down his cheeks.

He sniffles and angrily wipes his eyes. His being too emotional again, he hates himself -- Yeonjun's probably tired with him being such a big nervous wreck again -- he's probably gonna roll his eyes on him and leaves him alone to finish his noodles ----

And suddenly he feels warm.

He feels arms around him, his face nudged on his hyung's chest. His nose is suddenly flooded with the familiar scent of his hyung's body wash, fresh and clean clothes, the smell of bed sheets. He smells like home. 

Yeonjun wraps the younger in his arms - his chin on top of Beomgyu's head. He hugs the trembling body tighter, as the younger continues to sob, his shirt getting wet from his tears. If only he can take away the pain that Beomgyu is feeling right now. But he knows being there for the younger, a shoulder to cry on, is what he needs.

Beomgyu wraps his arms around his hyung and hugged him tighter as he cried and cried. Until his tear ducts can't seem to produce any more tears, he finally loosened his arms around his Yeonjun's waist.

His crying finally comes to a stop, and looks at his hyung, whispering a soft "thank you."

It's like no words need to be exchanged, he knows Yeonjun understood him and he was finally able to smile again. 

\--------------------  
The next day, it's like nothing happened. Yeonjun didn't say anything about their midnight ramen snack and conversation. 

But everyone can see that Beomgyu has improved.

"Taehyunie! Look I finally got the steps right!" Beomgyu beams at Taehyun, showing off the dance step that he finally got right. He repeated the steps over and over, "Taehyunie aren't you gonna compliment me? ~" Beomgyu says as he continues showing off his dance, earning a chuckle from the younger.

Taehyun laughs at his hyung. His Beomgyu hyung is finally smiling brightly again, and is even teasing him again. "I won't lose to you, Beomgyu hyung. Watch me!" Taehyun says back and the two went on a dance battle. 

Soobin and Hueningkai laughs at the two, enjoying how they're literally just doing random dance steps that's not suited for the song currently blasting on their speakers.

Yeonjun smiles softly at them, then decides to go join in the fun. "You're both so bad at this. Watch the king of dance smash you both!" He teases the two, and proceeds on aggressively body rolling and intense b-boying on the floor. 

Beomgyu laughs so hard he's literally bent in half from clutching his stomach and tears falling down as he's dying of laughter.

\-------------------------

"Yeonjun hyung! Stay with me at the studio after practice?" Beomgyu says as he they're packing up for the day.

The other 3 looks surprised, but brushes it off as they're all just so tired from their endless dancing.

"Sure Gyu," Yeonjun answers as he finishes packing up.

"Don't stay too late okay? If the two of you are not home before midnight I swear.. we have an early schedule tomorrow!" Soobin looks at them both, but stares at Yeonjun after. 

It's probably his leader instincts but, he knows Yeonjun was the one who was able to help the younger with his problems right now. He remembers how one night Yeonjun opens the door to his and Beomgyu's shared room, looking at their bunk beds, and calling Beomgyu's name softly. When he didn't receive a reply, he quietly shut the door and he faintly heard their phone call.

"Of course Soobin hyung! We'll be home before you know it, order us a tub of baskin robbins too okay!" Beomgyu teases the elder and smiles. 

Soobin sighs and gives in. "Okay so if you're late don't blame me if we eat your share!" 

He trusts Yeonjun with Beomgyu and drags the two maknaes out of the room to go home.

\---------------------

They sat at his sofa in his small studio, and grabs his acoustic guitar.  
"This is a piece I've been practicing," Beomgyu says, as he starts to play the guitar.

Yeonjun stares at the younger, how concentrated he is, but still he's face shows no sign of frustration or irritation when he makes a mistake while playing. His fingers naturally glides through the strings as he strums. He notices how soft his facial features are, and he feels the passion and love that Beomgyu has when creating and playing music --- just like what he feels when he's dancing.

He didn't even notice that Beomgyu already stopped playing and was talking to him.

"Hyung! I said, what do you think?" Beomgyu's voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Beautiful. It sounds so.. beautiful."

Beomgyu smiles shyly. "Thank you, hyung."

"Thank you for always being there for me. For not giving up on me."

Yeonjun smiles. "I'll always be here."

Beomgyu feels happy. He knows that this is just the beginning of many more trials ahead, but if he's with his members, if he's with his Yeonjun hyung, then it'll be okay. They didn't give up on him, and he won't either.He feels safe, warm and loved. He's home.

\------  
End

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really good at writing but I tried really hard to express what I'm feeling through this --- tho in a different case as I'm not an idol like beomgyu haha
> 
> Hope you liked it, kudos and comments are always appreciated.


End file.
